7mm Confessions

Contagious as the morning east is the search
Of valleys and hills where sunflowers bloom
Narrowly look at the lines carefully I’ve penned
In the corner of your eyes you might find soon
Every letter of a name defined
Motionless as a lake at times yet you animate things with a look
On a sun bathe stone pavers path you walk alone and yet not alone
Neverland is a maze of untold tales yet it cant begin to describe
The tale conscious as the Gemini twins that is you and at the
End of these lines I hope you will find my love even
Just a glimpse of the name that sets me up like wildfire
On every 6th of the month and the following days thereafter.

your beauty is to me

countless moons converged

from galaxies light years apart

bathing sea-foamed shores

where darkened horizons are recreated

by either stars or lamplights

looking into your eyes

is like watching a falling star

silent and brief yet

they speak in volumes

like Alibuag spring bifurcating rivers

of stories of heaven on earth

your lips, they make me immortal

how exquisite the pain they bring

they remind me of mangosteens

and their fragrance on a Friday evening

oh, let me drink from them forevermore!

you are by far more enchanting

than mantianak tree park at 6pm

you put to shame the flowers and cogon grass

as you walk passed them

the serenades in my heart

will play on forever and a day

for such is your beauty to me

but most importantly the love

we share and hope to see

30 years from now!

They’ve been talking mostly of trivial things for an hour now. Each knowing what really mattered talking about but could not quite find the right timing, who should start and where to start. It was a windy night at alibuag beach. The waves crashed just a few feet from where they sat. Somewhere beyond the wide expanse of the sea a storm was raging.

They walked at the shore towards the spring. As she stood at the top of the pool a wind caught her hair across her face. She brushed it back and hugged his jacket around her tight. He was glad he brought his jacket yet he silently cursed at how unprepared he was. He should have come earlier and instructed Bagdong, the caretaker, to at least turn all of the beach lights on and prepared a sit for them. What will her father think? Now, only the moon dimly illumined the beach and somehow he will have to find a spot for both of them to sit on. She made quick steps to avoid the incoming waves crashing on to the side of the pool. Light as the wind she did it. He followed her with a little bit off timing just in time as the waves crashed on the side of the pool. His shoes meets the sea for the first time. He wore shoes at the beach. He closed his eyes again at that thought. Carefully she went down inside the pool and watch the spring water gently pour out at the base of the outcrop.

“This spring is enchanted” He finally managed to speak. She smiled, “really? ”He pointed at the spring, “ a long time ago this used to be deep, a cow could fit in”. She smiled again not knowing if she should believe or not. Suddenly a strong wind came in. The bamboo lamp post made an eerie sound as it swayed with the wind. They looked up at it and then at each other. “We should head back”. She climb ahead and he followed her through the outcrop and down at the shore again were they sat.

They were silent again. And its taking a little longer each time before they could a find something to talk about. He stood and watched the night sky ahead. There were no bangkas tonight. No lamplights to recreate the darkened horizon. But their were stars and right behind them a new moon shone brightly. She stood beside him. Momentarily, a falling star blazed a trail at the sky. Both surprised, he quickly made a wish silently and looked at her. He watched her close her eyes. “What did you wish for?” He asked. “Nothing. It’s a secret.” She looked at him and smiled. The moonbeam played with the shadows on her face while the wind played softly on her hair.

“What do I mean to you?” He finally said it. She looked down at the sand and brushed it with her foot. “I’m sorry”, She continued brushing at the sand. “You and me, what would people say?”,She continued without looking up. He looked at her, “What would people say?”

Somewhere the wind hauled like a storm is coming. He couldn’t read her. That was the problem. They where both standing facing the sea. That night, only she knows how it should end. She sensed him, ”No. It’s not like that. I have feelings for you”. There she said it. And they were back again at square one. “…Then what’s wrong?” He added.

He looked down at the sand while brushing it with his shoes. He went down and wrote something on it with his fingers. He looked up at her smiling. She read it and smiled back,“Don’t know if I should believe you”. The waves crashed again and again at the rocks and on to the sands. It was like that for millions of years. It was beautiful how the way things are.

“I should be writing something too”, she teased him. “Help me find a stick to write”. He found a dead root of a Talisay tree nearby. He snapped it and gave it to her. “Now, you should go away while I write what I have to say, please”. He gave a puzzled look for a moment but backed away without questioning.
For a long time he stood staring at the sea a few feet from her. She kept writing and erasing something until finally she stood and went to where he was. “You can look now”, she was serious. He managed just to walk towards it.

He just sat there looking at what she wrote. No expressions on his face. She went beside him, “ what’s wrong?”, she searched his face. “I couldn’t read what you wrote”, he lied. “step aside let me see it”. He moved away. “ Perhaps I didn’t wrote it well”. She studied what she wrote and when she looked up, he was walking towards her smiling. She smiled too and stood to meet him. He came beside her. They were never this close. Slowly he slid his arms around her waist and she came close to him. Together they faced the sea and the sky. It was a windy night at alibuag beach and the waves crashed a few feet from them and somewhere beyond the vast expanse of the sea a storm has subsided.

he walked slow. you might blame it on his age but on closer inspection he's just really tired. a man looking worn at the end of a days work. his last day at the office. he had his despeda party the day before and it was his birthday. He stood at the side of the street waiting for a motorsikad and at 10am their wasnt a soul on J.P Rizal Street.

he carried along with him some of his belongings accumulated 25 years of government service. a few folders and brown envelopes tied in straw, he held it in his left hand while his right delicately holding a 4-puff-old cigarette. head held up high, he drag long at it and slowly exhaled. relieved perhaps?

a few puffs later an abomination appeared in a form of a motorsikad on the street. he hailed it. got on it. and he was gone.

so thats how you exit after 25 years of government service? no fireworks, no trumpets, no shakehands, no pat on the shoulder? i was watching the whole scene at my office window. im still 30 but i just couldnt let it go in my mind. a lump furiously swelled inside my throat and i was angry. i couldnt help it. couldnt quite explain it.

enough. iv seen enough of the future and i dont like it. its time to roll.

by the way, the man is a good friend of mine. shared service with him for almost 7 years... and he has a lovely daughter.

it was 6 days of oblivion. the realization that i was way off track with who i am hit me like an arrow through my head. what was i thinking back then? a month ago i was hooked to something that i wasnt supposed to. i have always prided myself with great self restraint but at that moment it felt so right. broken and stressed out to the point of insanity, i was in a defenseless state. a perfect time for giving in to self abuse.

it was out of curiosity mostly that it started. i was awed by the effect it does to your mind. psychoactive they call it. by going within plus it is a mind blowing experience. everything is in slowmotion. time seems to stop. you could hear every litte noise with great precision capturing every little note and rythm. see everything in detail sooo clear you think you have the gift to do just that. little did i know it has a nasty effect in your short term memory. i know. i have suffered the consequences.

somehow the heavens above interceeded. sent a wonderful message in the form of your friends. im glad i was able to stop from completely annihilating myself. i wasnt that hooked afterall. im sobber now. i was able to divert my energy to blogging.

for what its worth, id still say: respect for the plant and respect for that divine part of you.

positive vibration rules! reminds me of what bob marley used to say: "...dont worry about a thing..cause every little thing is gonna be alright.."