Confessions of a bored 30-year-old Single...

…who happens to be living with his grandma (message to followers: ssshh..dont tell anybody).Ow.I was drunk again last night. I have this nasty habit of turning my back on my promise pinups on the wall right beside Megan Fox. Those voluptuous curves…maybe I should tear down Megan fox’s poster and leave the pinups? Sure. That’s easy. The trick is to turn your face away from Megan while you’re doing it.So on to the wall, I grabbed the edge of the poster facing sideways. As I was about to pull when strains from Air Supply started to play..lonely is the night when im not with you.. ‘til you’re not here by my side there’s no light shining through..altogether now… lonely is the nigghht… arrgh! Where in the neurotic, psychedelic mind did that strain came from? I could swear Megan winked at me. Hangover? No. I just can’t do it. She’s a devil. Quote from the film The Crying Game:”..i can’t help it , it’s in ma ney cha!”.

What this intro has to do with what I’m trying to lead you in to has nothing to do with it. The real story begins here. So set back, bear with me as I unweave this tangled tale of:…the aliens who fried my brain.

One night I was walking home from my boss’s house. Trudging along J.P Rizal street at 9pm is a real treat. You get to meet cows, chickens, crickets and if you’re lucky- get chased by dogs who from my boss’s mouth the ones that didn’t caught the “virus”. No human beings can be seen walking this street at this hour except when you got no gas for your ride and your cellphone got stolen by an uncouth fellow who sat beside you on a jeepney and your woman just dumped you for no reason except to tell you that she’s changed (amazing how they still wanna be friends with you after they ripped your guts out..but that’s another story). You walk. When I was near the church I was in these train of thoughts when a sudden gust of wind and tube of light blinded me. A few seconds took me to realize that the light was coming from a floating disk right above me. Frantically I started calling saints. “Grandpa is that you?” No.I wasn’t wimpering. “Please don’t kill me I swear I didn’t stole those knee caps at the cemetery”. At this point I pissed on my pants. Then suddenly I was helplessly being pulled straight up right into that thing. I passed out.

When I came to I was lying on a pool of drool on some metallic floor. I couldn’t move.I was hooked with some wires and tubes and realized I’ve been abducted by aliens. A voice came thru my head, “Why did you stopped drinking?”.Of course, they’re speaking through telepathy. “Drink, Drink, Drink” they pressed on. I wanted to laugh but could only manage a cough. Suddenly clips of ABS-CBN after dinner soap operas flashed on a big screen ( to telecasters: Im sorry, Im sorry). Oh, no. Not that. Please stop. A child talking to a man in white robes posing as God – May Bukas Pa flashed on the screen. Oh please. I could imagine my grandma teary eyed while watching it. Then it went on to the next soap Only You. My head was sizzling. When will these images stop? My nose was already bleeding. Please..no more. Then the clips went off. Thank God. Then it came on again. Finally the last soap flashed Tayong Dalawa with the immortal – “bok walang talo talo”..arrgh! okey, okey. I will do anything you want just please stop. Pleaaase.

The next morning my grandma found me in my room in state of shock . I was gibberish and frothing at the mouth with beer bottles and coagulated puke beside me. Can you blame me? Come on, they were going to torture me for hours. So you say, “real story?”. Ha ha ha ha.

I’m bored to the bones. I mean I’m not just bored as in bored that could be treated with a high dose of calorie food and a movie. Sometimes I think this is catatonia or something. Friends help. They could . They’re the most interesting and special people in the whole world. But let’s face it we are growing apart. The things like young adult angst, video game fever, porn watching days that got you together are over (not that I don’t watch porn anymore…sometimes). You are leading an adult life with bigger realities to contend with. It’s like I’m stock in this parallel universe. In other universe people are going about their lives as fast as the speed of light. While in my world I’m stock here in my grandma’s house with her watching soap operas.

Get me out of here.